Early news is that Plod Soman has had his Viagra supply stolen and police are looking for a hardened criminal. Rumour has it that as a single man he only put the Viagra in his tea because it stopped his biscuit going soft when he dunked it. Occasionally he used it as eye drops to make him look hard.

The final league match of the season meant the visit of Northampton Casuals who have endured mixed fortunes with their results this season but a must-win match for Olney to cement their position at the upper end of the table. Today’s match was sponsored by the mini and junior section of the club who hopefully will take confidence and inspiration for the future when they see that 14 of today’s first team squad are the product of the mini and junior sides from previous years.

On a chilly spring day Casuals kicked off with the wind at their backs and looked to have the intent of playing an open style of play similar to the Olney way by trying to open things up early on. Mistakes were made, however which played into Olney’s hands and first points on the board came courtesy of Will Ecclestone supporting as ever to dot down under the posts. The game appeared to be a bit scrappy and not flowing as both sides would have wished but on the back a number of pick and drives, Eddie Goss drove over for the second score. After some good movement down the right flank, James Brock added another, followed shortly by the bonus point try from Chris Duck after a move off the back of a set piece scrum. The game was not as one sided as the score may suggest but a stray kick for territory from Casuals fell to winger Phil Bowden who beat the first two chasers in his own 22 and set off for the line to touch down under the posts seconds later for a fine individual try. Scrum half Noddy Deighton seemed to pass to himself to confuse the Casuals defence and run in from 20m and complete the scoring for the first half. 5 tries and 3 Elliot Simpson conversions taking the score to 36-0.

The first 15 minutes of the second half were a bit uneventful and a lot of stoppages allowed the sizeable crowd to replenish their glasses for the final quarter. Captain Cahill finished a fine passage of support play for the first score of the half. Casuals belied their league position by still playing some good rugby though, and this was rewarded with a score from close range having worked their way into the Olney 22. Olney got back to the other end quickly and Simpson decided it was time to be greedy and weaved his way past a number of players for a try wide on the left. Some good handling and support play saw Cobie Chapman on the end of the scoring pass for his contribution to the try tally and a well deserved try. Casuals still had a mind to keep playing to the end and it was them who scored next when their forwards got what they deserved for some good driving play and ball retention. The last action of the half was in front of the Hut when prop Jake Millburn barged over from 5m out, much to the delight of the home crowd. Final score 60-14 to Olney. From this, and other results coming in from the league, it turns out that Olney finished second and will be guaranteed of promotion for next season. Well done to all concerned.

Last tale from the family until next September. We have been told that Mr and Mrs Harris were having a romantic end of season meal out and Mrs Harris had to leave the table to visit the ladies room. The waiter came to take the order and Mr Harris explained that she was in the toilet. “Do you know what she’s having?” Asked the waiter. To which he replied “Well she’s been gone 10 minutes so it’s probably a shit!”

This is the last match report for this season. There is another match but if you want to find out about it, go to Franklins Gardens on 4th May and watch it for yourselves - Details to follow on the website & social media.