 |
South Africa Survival Guide The wilds of South Africa are not the place to go wandering off on your own. If lions don't hunt you down, you might get trampled by a herd of elephants .Be sure to read this firstit could be a matter of life and death!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
This Olney RFC Survival Guide is intended as a basic introduction on how to prepare for and react in a wilderness survival situation. These wilderness skills and techniques are provided for information purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a professional wilderness survival or first aid training course. Rather, they are intended to increase your awareness of the lifesaving importance of wilderness survival skills and to encourage you to seek professional training. Lion Basically all cats are the same. Lions are a bit bigger. As a lion attacks, throw a ball of wool, the lion will not be able to resist playing with the wool. Make a swift retreat.
Rhino A rhino is like a hippopotamus with a big horn on its nose. Be sure to carry a large cork, as the rhino charges, place the cork on the horn.
A charging elephant An elephant is like a big rhino with a flexible horn. As elephant approaches, place two pairs of flip flops in its path, whilst the attacker struggles to slip the flip flops on, make a hasty retreat.
Snakes - Even snakes are afraid of snakes. As snake approaches, scatter frozen peas on the ground in front of you, the snake will slither out of control, make a hasty retreat.
 Crocodile A crocodile is a very big crested newt. Poke it in the eye. Make a hasty retreat.
Killer ants Like normal ants with PMT. As colony approaches use a Pritt stick to draw a line in front of you, as the ants stick on your line, make a hasty retreat.
Polar Bear Like any other bear, but available in white. If you get involved in a fight with a polar bear, remember they always lead with their left. Duck, and smack him with a right to the side of the head. Make a hasty retreat.
Grizzly Bear Like a polar bear in brown. As bear approaches, place garden rake in its path. When bear steps on rake, the handle will fly up and hit the bear in the face. Make a hasty retreat.
Elk An Elk is a cross between a horse and a deer. Just ignore it, and slowly walk away.
Shark Looks like an angry dolphin. Always wait for a shark to be in striking distance, then punch him on the nose. Swim away as fast as possible.
Red Back Spider To trick a red back into thinking he is harmless, use TipEx on its back.
Giant Octopus Like a hard jellyfish. Be sure to carry a roll of bubble wrap. While the octopus occupies itself popping the bubbles, quietly just swim away.
Piranhas If attacked by a herd of piranhas, squirt fairy liquid in the water, their frenzied attack will turn the water into a mass of bubbles. Swim quietly away.
 A Parrot - A parrot is a cross between a budgie and Dave Adams. If attacked by an aggressive parrot, place eye patch on your left eye. This will fool the parrot into thinking you are a pirate, and it will sit quietly on your shoulder. Make a leisurely retreat together, and live happily ever after.
Conclusion - To ensure your safety, stay within 1 mile radius of Olney RFC. Look at Joe, he is 124 years of age.
BARS OPEN !! |
